3 Must-Have Money Talks Before Saying ‘I Do’

Jesse Collins
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Getting married is one of the most exciting milestones in life. You’re committing to spending your life with someone you love, and that involves sharing hopes, dreams, and—yes—finances. While planning a wedding is thrilling, many couples overlook the importance of planning their financial future together. Yet, talking about money before you get married is one of the most important conversations you can have. These discussions will set the tone for how you and your partner manage finances, prevent misunderstandings, and help you work toward shared goals. It may feel awkward at first, but having these honest conversations can be a huge relief in the long run. Premarital financial planning doesn’t have to be intimidating or formal—grab a cup of coffee, order takeout, and turn it into a meaningful discussion. Who says planning your future together can’t be romantic? Let’s dive into three critical financial topics every couple should discuss before walking down the aisle to build a strong foundation for your future.

Why Premarital Financial Planning is Essential

Before we get into the specific money conversations, let’s explore why premarital financial planning is so important. Marriage is a partnership, and financial issues are one of the leading causes of stress in relationships. If you don’t talk about money early on, financial disagreements can build tension, leading to misunderstandings or even conflicts later on. By having these discussions upfront, you’re not only preparing for your financial future but also strengthening your relationship and communication skills. Here are some key reasons why premarital financial planning should be a top priority:

1. Set a Vision for Your Future Together

Having a shared financial vision helps ensure that you and your partner are working toward the same goals. Whether you’re saving for a house, planning to start a family, or preparing for retirement, being on the same page financially will help you navigate life’s milestones together. Without discussing financial priorities, you risk heading in different directions, which can lead to confusion and tension down the road.

2. Avoid Financial Surprises

One of the biggest sources of conflict in marriage is unexpected financial issues. By discussing your finances early on, you can avoid surprises like hidden debt, unpaid loans, or differing spending habits. Having a clear understanding of each other’s financial situation allows you to make informed decisions as a couple and reduces the likelihood of financial disputes.

3. Build a Budget Together

Creating a budget together ensures that you and your partner agree on how to manage your income and expenses. Without a budget, it’s easy to overspend, which can lead to stress, debt, and arguments. By agreeing on a budget that works for both of you, you’ll have a roadmap for managing your finances smoothly and reducing the chances of money-related disagreements.

4. Discuss Potential Inheritances

While financial difficulties can cause strain in a marriage, wealth can sometimes lead to complications too. If one or both of you expect to receive an inheritance, it’s important to discuss how you’ll manage it. Understanding each other’s expectations for future wealth can help avoid conflicts and ensure that you’re aligned on how to handle significant financial changes.

5. Align Your Attitudes on Investing

Not everyone has the same approach to investing. Some people are more risk-averse, while others are open to exploring investment opportunities. If you and your partner have different views on investing, it’s important to talk about it early on to prevent misunderstandings. Aligning on your investment strategy can help you make decisions that support your shared financial goals.

6. Evaluate Current Assets and Liabilities

Once you get married, your financial lives are often intertwined. This means that any assets and liabilities you bring into the marriage can impact your future as a couple. If either of you has significant wealth, or if one of you has outstanding debts, it’s essential to discuss these openly. Knowing your partner’s financial standing allows you to plan for the future and protect your assets. Now that you understand why premarital financial planning is important, let’s explore the three essential money talks you should have with your fiancé or fiancée.

1. Talk About Your Past Before You Start Your Future

The first step in premarital financial planning is understanding each other’s financial history. This means laying all your cards on the table, being honest about your debts, assets, and spending habits. Financial transparency is the foundation of any strong partnership, and by discussing your past financial experiences, you can build trust and avoid surprises.

Debt and Credit History

Start by discussing any outstanding debts you both have. This includes secured debt like car loans or mortgages, as well as unsecured debts like credit card balances or student loans. Here are some questions to ask each other:
  • What debts do you have, and how much do you owe?
  • What are the monthly payments and interest rates on each debt?
  • How long will it take to pay off these debts?
  • Have you ever had any issues with missed payments or defaulting on loans?
It’s also a good idea to discuss how these debts may affect your future financial plans. For example, high-interest debts can eat into your savings, making it harder to save for a home or other major expenses. Being upfront about your debt will help you both understand what you’re working with and allow you to create a plan for paying it off.

Current Financial Status

Once you’ve covered your debt, it’s time to talk about your current financial situation. Share how much you each earn, including bonuses or additional income, and discuss how much of that you save, invest, and spend. It’s important to understand each other’s income, expenses, and financial obligations so that you can create a joint financial plan.

Action Step: Check Your Credit Scores Together

Your credit score is an important factor in many financial decisions, such as getting a mortgage or applying for loans. Checking your credit scores together can give you a clear understanding of where you both stand and what steps you may need to take to improve your scores. Websites like Credit Karma offer free credit score checks with no hidden fees, making it easy to get started.

2. Open Up About Your Attitudes Toward Money

Money is a deeply personal topic, and everyone has different attitudes toward it. Understanding how your partner feels about money can help you avoid conflicts and create a financial plan that works for both of you.

Spending Habits

Ask each other how you define “disposable income” and what you’re comfortable spending money on. For example, one partner may view travel as a necessary expense, while the other may prioritize saving for the future. It’s okay if you don’t agree on everything—what’s important is that you understand each other’s perspectives and work together to find common ground.

Bank Accounts and Bill Payments

Next, discuss how you’d like to manage your bank accounts. Do you prefer to combine your finances, or would you rather keep separate accounts? Who will be responsible for paying bills, and how will you track shared expenses? Having a clear plan for managing your finances can prevent misunderstandings and ensure that you’re both on the same page.

Comfort with Risk

Everyone has a different comfort level when it comes to financial risk. Some people are more comfortable investing in stocks or other high-risk opportunities, while others prefer to stick with safer options like savings accounts. Discuss your views on saving and investing, and come to an agreement on how you’ll manage your investments as a couple.

Pre-Nuptial Agreements

While this can be a sensitive topic, discussing whether or not you want a prenuptial agreement is important. A prenup can protect both partners’ assets and clarify financial expectations in the event of a divorce. If one or both of you have significant assets or expect to receive an inheritance, a prenup may be worth considering.

Action Step: Create a Joint Budget

To help you manage your finances together, consider using a simple budget worksheet. The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) offers a free budget worksheet that you can use to track your income, expenses, and savings. By creating a budget together, you’ll have a clear understanding of where your money is going and how you can work toward your financial goals.

3. Map Out Your Future Financial Goals

One of the most exciting parts of premarital financial planning is mapping out your future together. You both have dreams and aspirations—whether it’s buying a home, starting a family, or traveling the world—and it’s important to align your financial goals so that you can achieve them as a team.

Career Goals

Start by discussing your career goals and how you can support each other in achieving them. For example, if one partner plans to go back to school or start a business, this may impact your financial plans. By understanding each other’s career aspirations, you can create a financial plan that supports both of your goals.

Family Planning

If you plan on having children, it’s important to discuss how you’ll manage the costs associated with raising a family. Talk about your childcare options, education plans, and how you’ll balance work and family life. Planning ahead can help you avoid unrealistic expectations and financial stress down the road.

Home Ownership

Finally, discuss your views on home ownership. Do you want to buy a house, and if so, where? What type of home do you envision—a single-family home, a townhouse, or a condo? It’s never too early to start thinking about your dream home and how you’ll save for a down payment.

Action Step: Talk to a Mortgage Banker

If buying a home is one of your future goals, consider talking to a mortgage banker at Carlyle Financial. A mortgage banker can help you assess your finances, understand your mortgage options, and find the perfect home at the right price.
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Jesse Collins

In the last thirteen years, Jesse has managed more than $400 million in residential financing. His extensive experience…
VP of Mortgage Lending
San Francisco
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About Jesse Collins

In the last thirteen years, Jesse has managed more than $400 million in residential financing. His extensive experience with complex financials and funding provides Carlyle Financial clients with agile customized jumbo home loan products. Jesse specializes in residential lending for the Los Angeles, Beverly Hills, Orange County, and San Diego markets. With each loan he closes he makes a donation on behalf of his clients to the ALS Association.